It is no secret that for many people with their relationshipselderly relatives are a particular problem. What is the cause of this phenomenon, as the situation is fatal and that could take all of us to form healthy relationships with older people?
One of the most pressing needs of the peopleelderly is the need for communication. Old people often have a suspicion that they are excluded from family life. They may even begin to feel that from them have something to hide, were talking behind their back. To avoid unnecessary suspicions, it is very important to create an atmosphere around the old men, that they do not feel in the information vacuum. To do this, as often as possible to talk to them, even to talk about their small affairs. A large number of "little news" has been building in the elderly a sense of an active life filled with lots of events. And just as you're trying to tell the child some funny episode, and for the old man need all the time to save "his" news.
Old people are very important to give food for thought toslow down the aging process. It is noticed that people who are engaged in intellectual work (such as scientists) often show the wonders of longevity and clarity of mind to speed with the latest days. Moreover, according to some observations, a regular solution of ordinary crossword puzzles and significantly improves the brain activity of the elderly, and even to some extent contributes to longevity.
For the elderly it is particularly important,to reckon with them. Therefore, you should as often as possible to ask their opinion and ask them for advice. Thus, we give to understand that rely on their knowledge and experience. A word of warning - do not make it a game or a formality, just to identify areas in which the aging person most qualified to whole-heartedly follow his recommendations.
Some older people remind childrenpuberty his stubbornness, lack of logic, the reluctance to accept the obvious, the refusal to accept the fact that they are prohibitively. Try to realize that this is not a whim, and age characteristics.
Special exposure is required, if the personage accustomed to command. In dealing with this type of personality is necessary to develop flexible tactics - a part of the "orders" actively accept long and thanks for the clever advice of some of the problems just try to divert and do everything else as you see fit - without comment, lengthy discussions or excuses .
If you have something does not agree with the decisionyour parents related to them directly, do not resort to scandals, moral pressure, psychological violence. Use the best hard word spoken calmly, or explanation - why it is not necessary to do. Not Accompany them when it comes to the paranoid suspicion of pathological avarice or hysterical social activity. Emphasize here that they have the right to decide how to proceed in a particular case. Old people as well as children, are full of conflicting feelings: they aspire to, to feel cared for, protected and at the same time - freedom! Therefore, they often rebel and act contrary to only in order to prove their independence. As in relation to young people, in such situations have to simply pass on their own responsibility for their lives, but always be there to assist and insure.
Another, quite applicable strategy fora decent man against older relatives may be, and such - to forgive, to forget, to focus on the sense of duty, regardless of anyone's personal qualities.
If you are living with their elderlyParents, remember that a lot of people their age are accustomed to a lot of hard work. They are particularly difficult to adapt to changes in your body and accept the fact that a lot they simply do not have enough strength and health that they can not, as before, to help the family. Therefore, you should think carefully about the old man for a simple family responsibilities and feasible load. This will create a sense of relevance. It is best to focus on the family that it was a grandparent will do the job better than anyone else, and not on the fact that no matter what else they are simply not capable.
Remember that the greatest tensionscausing uncertainty and expectation, therefore, of some of his personal problems better to tell when they will be resolved. In stories about yourself, try to avoid excessive dramatization of events, simplify the situation, present it in an accessible form for the old man. However, do not create an artificial idyll around the old atmosphere. Stick to the golden mean: it is best if they continue to live in the real world, but do not focus on the negative aspects of life.
Objective processes in the elderly personman is a drop of self-esteem, related primarily to the loss of former social roles (for example, before your father was a leader of the correctness of its decision depended on the fate of many people, the efficiency of the flow of production processes, and now he has just retired, able to have an impact only on the choice of their own solutions ).
To compensate for a man of his socialloss, you have to do a very simple thing - often to pay compliments to help your senior loved ones to believe in its necessity. Think back to when you last spoke to my mother that she looks good, my mother in law - she had excellent taste, his father, that it is interesting to talk about politics. When my grandmother tell her daughter that she was beautiful and the whole mind into it.
In dealing with the elderly try to find examplestheir kindness, generosity humor, altruism, and then, for example, to communicate with someone on the phone loudly (to hear your family) tell us what wonderful qualities have your father or mother (thereby suggesting to them the presence of these qualities). You will find that within a few months of this hypnosis is really your old priobschatsya data quality.
And if this is your warm attitude to the elderlysometimes family members will acquire a form and material - touching, stroking, kissing, or a small, but valuable for this particular person a gift (. cvezhie newspaper, a favorite tea biscuits, houseplant, etc.), then the future of your relationship, you can not worry.