- one. Work with your expectations
- 2. Gently but strictly help
- 3. Take assistants
- 4. Be a team with a doctor
- five. Learn awareness and self-support
- 6. Accene on basic priorities
- 7. Stop depreciate yourself
- eight. Look for support
Do not expect from another person a certain behavior manner — Head. The same rule works perfectly with children who have diagnosed ADHD — attention deficit and hyperactivity syndrome. ADHD cannot be cured once and for all, but it is quite realistic to learn to live near and along with a special child, making it easier and his life.
Do not expect from a child that he will obey you and generally hear. That he will successfully learn to control his impulses. That he will restrain the thirst to explore everything and first think about the consequences. Do not count that the child will become «as everybody». He will not become. He — another. It differs from most, and this is not only his difficulty, but also uniqueness.
Even parents of unusual children tend to believe that the child is something «should»: To be able to know, do, think, hear, perform, calculate, respond. You can expect from a child with ADHD so that he remove his room just after the fourth reminder, but he may not do this even after the twenty-sixth. He is not flawed, but his abilities are different than you would like. The first step towards facilitating family life — Take the exclusion of the child. Recognize that your child is limited to memorize, hold attention and perform simple, on your adult look, action.
Stop thinking that you do not cope with your parental responsibilities. You do what can. If you learn how to shoot your own expectations, and you, and it will be much easier for it to adapt to a constantly changing life.
In each situation, when a child is unable to perform a simple task, stop quietly, to clean up, control my impulses, plan classes for five minutes ahead, he needs your help. Do not for a child what you demand from him. Of course, you need a lot of patience, you have to spend time to insist, reminders, control. But only so you will help your baby with ADHD to learn independence.
To grow a man who can take care of themselves, your child needs constant support. Be prepared not only to infinitely write clear and understandable lists of simple routine affairs, but also glue stickers with reminders about the cleaning of the teeth, about what needs to be watched after washing, about how things are being done on returning from home. one. Remove the top clothes and shoes, hang and put in place. 2. Go into the bathroom and wash your hands with soap. 3. Wipe hands. 4. In your room remove street clothes and wear homemade. five. Folded removed clothing and remove it into the closet. Etc.
Over time, your child inevitably becomes a little more careful at least in some spheres of life, learns to calmly sit at the table for half an hour, do not yell on the street and better hear your words. If you help the child subjugate every day a clear and repeating schedule, it will be easier for him to meet with complicated tasks. Calendars, alarm clocks, notes, your ability to switch the child's attention from a tedious lesson on more fun and back, same dinner, dinner, accomplishing homework and guidance, binding time for free games and «Pair release» — All this will help you from time to explore, and your child — Email.
Be to the child as you can carefully, caress and hug it, offer to play not only when he «Rose on the ears», But on their own initiative. Only you know when your baby with ADHD is time to change the type of activity. Only you can throw him the idea how to switch with mad activity on a calmer to balance the nervous system.
Let the child clear instructions that exclude ambiguity: «Collect the paper from the floor and put them in the trash can. Take dirty clothes in basket for dirty linen. Slug all socks pairs. Take toys in the box». Be prepared to repeat these elementary commands until they are fulfilled. Insist on the fulfillment of your orders, but at the same time follow, did you not overload the child to tasks.
Even parents with the most standard children need assistants who allow themselves to relax, stop listening to a thousand questions per hour and constantly shoot. You, parents of children with ADHD, extra hands and eyes are needed especially. If you are constantly afraid that, turning away for two seconds, detect the child on the chandelier or on the window, you need real physical assistance.
If you think that only you are able to keep track of your «Energizher», Let me disagree with you. That if it is only an hour per day, when you can do anything other than a child? (Preferably at this time do not rush to the store or vacuuming an apartment, and relax.) Nanny for an hour a day thirty days a month — This is not a ruin, but your own health. You may have relatives who are ready to help free. With your strict instructions and orders they have chances to cope. Even if you have the first three weeks to look after both — and child and nanny.
Teach the assistant handling a child. Tell me in detail what you can not do or say under any circumstances. Most effective — Say out the instructions in writing, and the more details you mention, the sooner you can enjoy the well-deserved hour a day without anxiety for the life and health of the child.
Whoever turned out to be your chief medical assistant — Pediatrician, Psychiatrist, Neuropathologist or Psychotherapist, — Be with him at the same time, discuss all doubts and controversial issues. Find the specialist to whom you can trust. Your confidence is that the doctor is competent and wishes to the patient of good, will be transferred to the child, and you will be easier for you to achieve success.
No one is capable of hazy to experience parental nerves for strength, like a child with ADHD! And the worst thing you can do in the hearts, it is to break on a hysterical cry and destroy the weak desire of the child to try and try. Sorry to recognize, but grief, disappointment and anger — Frequent satellites of the mood of parents of children with ADHD.
Fortunately, you can learn to control your own outbreaks and resentment. In most parents, the same thoughts are becoming the same thoughts with triggers: «He must be able to do it», «He will never be normal» and «I am a terrible parent». That from the listed responds to your soul the greatest suffering? Or perhaps you already exactly exactly in your head before you start shouting?
Finding a trigger — «igniting» you thought, learn to hear her until you lose composure. Learn to count to tenh-twenty-hundred to calm down, express your indignation by the cashless words, speaking your feelings, and not about an unconscious desire to share pain. Use deep relaxing breathing techniques to keep your reactions under control.
If you can't handle yourself, the psychotherapeutic group and individual psychotherapy will help you.
If you are hungry, you have not slept, you have no strength, you are unlikely to want to discuss philosophical matter and talk about beautiful. Same with your child. Basic needs — Sleep, full nutrition and physical activity. As long as you do not provide yourself with the child's satisfaction of the basic needs, it is pointless to talk about self-organization, composure and desire to carry out routine responsibilities. None of you simply will not be forces.
The most important — get enough sleep, move in the fresh air and is often and gradually, so as not to test your nervous system on flexibility and strength. Lack of sleep, laziness and hunger — The first and most terrible enemies of your mental health. Pay special attention to the amount of sweet that your baby eats. Sweet is harmful in itself (except for moderate quantity of fruit), and children with ADHD — especially. Watch the child: If you suspect that after sweets and cookies, it becomes critically uncontrollable if it suits hysterics, requiring sugar, you will have to exclude sweet from the home menu of the whole family. Many children become much easier to perform parental requests and maintain a healthy concentration on important affairs when they cease to have simple carbohydrates. Honey and dried fruits too.
Put yourself on your phone or computer a reminder that you have the right to be angry, offended, upset, fear, feel loneliness and helplessness. When a child grows in the family with ADHD, these experiences are completely normal and understandable. It's really difficult to be from morning to evening in marginal attention to another person. In fact, it is very difficult to fight for each minute of your holiday. And sometimes it is impossible to cope with the child.
The point is not exactly what you feel — all feelings are normal and healthy. The fact is how you apply with your experiences. Equally dangerous how to push them back, considering that they are inadequate to explode, risking to cause someone harm. Learn to manage your emotions. Psychological trainings (including special groups for children with ADHD and their parents), a variety of relaxation methods, support for loved ones and psychologists, discharge of tension in sports — all the ways are good if they bring you relief. Including shower crying and fiercely peel the pillow.
Your family, friends, other parents of children with ADHD, Internet communities can not only stretch your hand to you, but also distract from infinite and constant concern about the child. You need personal hobbies, classes, hobbies that you can devote at least half an hour a day, at least two hours a week.
Art therapy and just an artistic studio (possibly mixed — For children with shift and their tired parents), music classes, tourist hiking in safe places, dancing, online courses of the most unexpected orientation (on the Internet you can easily find even remote teachers of knitting or games on there) — all that makes you smile and anticipate joy.
And be sure — Touch. Live, warm, polishing. Hugs, tenderness and sex with her husband / wife, hold a friend's hand, ask mom or older child to hug you — as much as possible tactivity and simple human interest.
Ask friends and relatives to confirm that you are not crazy if you feel frustrating, monstrous fatigue and feverish excitement at the same time. Use any help who are ready to offer relatives and buddies. They are in joy to see you in peace and peace and they are ready to be near. Take all the love you offer. Just supporting yourself, you will be able to give the baby with ADHD then the number of stability and patience, which will help him overcome especially for him difficult steps of growing.