Death of a loved one. What could be awful? About this today's conversation with a psychotherapist doctor, psychoanalyst Nikolai Naritsyn.
Content
- Death - always shock, always grief. Is there any difference in how men and women react? It is believed that the man is worse adapted to life losses - is it?
- If a woman can «Kill over a coffin» and to go in sobs, then the man is most often capable of «Surround male tears». Thus, men often have to experience their grief inside. That is, strongly survive the loss is more complicated than the weak. He and help may not suggest, but it happens that such a person at first after loss of help is just needed.
- How to bring a person from a stupor in the first moments on the first day? What are the dangers of traditional stress removal methods: drugs, alcohol?
- And why a person from this «stupies» output? There is such a thing as «Security braking». If after severe stress he himself, without «Soothing tablets» falls into temporary «Shut down» - So it is necessary. It will avoid greater psychological injury.
- How to save from the stress of the child? Since what age he can take part in mourning ceremonies?
- It depends on both the age and the degree of closeness of his deceased. Strictly speaking, the ritual burden of at least its length is calculated mainly on adults. But a teenage child (10-12 years old), especially if he was close to the deceased, may well participate in it «At your own accord».
- Many are followed by the Church. Order remembered services, put candles, pray for the past? Does it help?
- Church, especially for people of believers, - Powerful consolation psychotherapy. First, the church rituals of the burial are very clearly spelled out, which facilitates the task of organizing the funeral in a state of stress. Secondly, the ability to put a candle for the departed for many is very important, like a different kind of «Absorption of sins» Before the dead.
- How to behave if a colleague for work sits with you in the same room and is experiencing a recent loss?
- First, official condolences are appropriate almost always. Secondly, if you have a completely formal relationship with a person, you can ask him if he needs some particular help. Thirdly, if a person is experiencing a loss and your help is not required, let him survive, do not touch it once again, do not climb, as they say, in the soul.
- Often in the mountain man does not know what is creating. How to react to his breakdowns, insults, distance?...
- There is such a concept as a state of affect, but it is just characterized by its short-term! If a person «breaks away» For some time after loss - then, most likely, he «knows what is creating», But from any touch he just hurts him: he reacts exactly as it would react after any severe physical injury. And in such cases, the Hippocrat said: «Peace of affected organ».
Helping the relatives of the deceased, do not shift completely on your shoulders the organization of funerals, commemoration and communication with loved ones. Solving specific tasks here and will now help get away from the severity of loss.
The faster the person goes to work, the more often his thoughts will be occupied by others. Do not free it from duties from false compassion. The owner of the famous firm Mary Kay lost her husband a month before her discovery. And, despite the doubts of loved ones, with even greater perseverance began to achieve the goal. According to her confession, if not work, she would not be able to survive the death of her husband.
Parental duty convinces a man killed by grief need to live for children. Therefore, it is not necessary for a long time to send children to relatives and acquaintances - often they force their presence to shake.
You can not condemn anyone for the fact that after the loss, he is watching favorite films or listening to music. One of the patients survived the grief only due to the plates left from the beloved mother. The famous tenor Lemeshev led the lost her husband a senior daughter for a concert - he considered Mozart's music with the best medicine in the mountain.
Sometimes it is not necessary to openly show sympathy, the main thing is to just be near. Alexander Nikolaevich Ostrovsky after the death of his wife Agafia completely sung out and even stopped leaving the house. The young girl who took over the economic troubles and maintaining launched financial affairs, in two years old became his wife and forced to live and create a double power.
As President said in. IN. Putin: «We have the future». So, for the sake of him, the remaining need to live.
