About postpartum depression is heard absolutely all women. Many have experienced her attack on themselves, but successfully fought off and now rejoice in life. And it is unlikely that someone will occur that from the same misfortune, very often suffer... men!
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It would seem that? As he who does not know the whole «Prelas» a cold gynecological chair that did not go 9 months round as a globe that did not feel toxicosis and powerful blows under the ribs from the inside that did not say goodbye to life during the battle and never fed to the breast may understand what postpartum depression?! If only the so-called disorder that he felt when he saw that his cub was not a plump angel with a picture, but a small wrinkled monkey. By the way, very much like him... But the depression of fathers exists. And she flows, sometimes, much longer and more serious than women's.
Oleg 32 years. «It was strong! I have never experienced this in life. It all started when a wife and child returned from the hospital. I look at my daughter and think: really mine? Fuck her. Wife all in business, in concerns. Asks help, and I have everything from hand, nothing comes out. I'm nervous, wife too, daughter yell... Here I was visited by the thought: Mom dear, nafig I had it all! My wife tried to enjoy me, but from father's senses, there was only hatred for diapers. Everything turned over when the daughter got sick. She had a strong fever, his wife aroused an ambulance, put her daughter in his arms and rushed into a pharmacy. At that moment I realized that if something happened to this Sipsy kule, I would not survive...».
Denis 38 years old. «We already had 2 adult daughters when my wife became pregnant. Naturally, we wanted a boy. But ultrasound showed that there will be a girl. Upset, of course, but decided: it means such fate. Birth went well. I was next to my wife and immediately saw my baby. Everything seems to be the same as always. Just another child. But after a couple of weeks after the birth, all sorts of unpleasant thoughts defeated me. I began to think about whether I could grow three daughters and give them a normal education, could you love the younger just as love? Why a child, born, makes his mother so hurt? In a word, a bunch of doubt, disappointment. Fortunately, in a month everything came to normal».
Mikhail 28 years old. «Now I understand that it was fear, egoism, childishness. But then, when a child was born, when sleepless nights began, when the wife became quite someone else, I was afraid. I suddenly realized that the real paternity is very different from my ideas about him. That I do not want this responsibility! What I don't want to go home! I do not know what would happen if at that moment the wife did not take a tricky move. Once she just left me with her son for the whole day. Wrote on leaves what, how and when to do, and left! I called her every half hour and rolled the hysteria. The son screamed like a crazy, and I rushed around the apartment, not knowing what to do. Already fed him, and heard, and calm down... Then he took on his arms and began to read some on the move invented poems. He fell asleep. I was afraid to put it in a playpen. So passed with him on hand 3 hours. Now that a wife cannot pacify his son, I take it on my hands, and he calms down. I know that I love him. And I know that I can handle the status of Pope».
In women, the development of depression is influenced by many factors: hormonal changes, physical fatigue, fear of childbirth, unpreparedness to perform maternal functions and t.D. Men have a reason too enough, however, they are somewhat different, mostly psychological. Education, and self-esteem, and understanding of responsibility, and personal growth plays their role here.
Feelings of newly-made dads are quite scattered. Despite the awareness that «it's mine», It seems to them that the carefree life has sunk in oblivion, instead they came monotonous weekdays with a bunch of worry-hassle and unbearable talk of responsibility for a child. There is a reassessment of values, ideas about yourself, spouse and place in life... In a word in the history of the family, an inevitable turning point comes, whom a tiny creature becomes. The result of daddy and mother's efforts.
A man is waiting for her woman to continue. This is the law of nature. The snag is that not every man can look at the consequences really. In words, he is the most caring and perfect dad in the world. But as soon as the expected moment of x comes, pink glasses fall, the built locks are crumbling...
The appearance of the heir is ruthlessly introduces adjustments to perfect dreams. Quite unexpectedly, it turns out that vigils at night are needed much more often than it was assumed that «Trelli» can begin at any time of the day that a closed wife is already not a wife at all, but mom that costs exceed expected that «toy» refund and exchange is not subject to... Here it begins the theoretically perfectly prepared dad - practical panic. Or rather, postpartum depression.
The birth of a child is rarely what man does not knock out of the rut. And great if «A pile of thought» Take the top of the feeling of pride, love and responsibility. Then he does not need to explain anything and prove. He talks like this: «This is my child! I am Father, Head of Family. I will cope with all the difficulties and I will help to cope with them my beloved woman. I play a huge role in my child's life. I bring up it worthy and ladies all that in my power. This is my right and my responsibility».
Naturally, the patience of even the most loving dads, sometimes turns out to be on the verge. But the reasons for depression with each new month of life, the baby is becoming less. The child grows, and a sense of father is growing with him.
Great difficulties arise with the psyche of those men for whom wives are the continuation of their mom. Even being a pregnant woman, the woman still continues to take care of his only and unique. And suddenly the one who pesters care about the husband into the background, who occupies an insanely huge place in the life of a woman who has belonged exclusively to a man. Newly dad in bewilderment: how so? AND... Begins to perceive the child as a rival.
Such a type of men can be explained for a long time that it is stupid to consider an opponent of an infant baby, especially, his own child. «Offended» It is unlikely to hear reasonable arguments (although trying still). The problem is exacerbated by the fact that: first, a woman may not see the causes of the problem and write off everything on disadvantage and lean from duties, and secondly, it is once able to deal and render «Psychological help». She will not quit the baby in any case to «Stroke the head» Healthy uncle. And the man begins to look for consolation and attention on the side, disappears at work, friends, goes to dinner and dinner to mom, makes a mistress. Over time, nervousness is growing in the family, and the family can get enough. Either if a woman has enough wisdom and patience, everything is getting off.
Observations show that when the karapuz will grow up, the dad-jealous starts glad to mess with him. The child no longer takes away from his wife so much time, and besides him, it turns out, it is interesting: he is already talking, he eats himself and sits on a pot. But here there is a small bowl of tar: a woman remembers how «Beautiful» Husband behaved (chapter and support) in those moments when she most needed support. And when the dying dad says: «And come on one more…», He is politely answered: «No, thanks».
Postpartum depression in this type of men is possible with each child's appearance. If there is a head «Suitable soil», then problems again flourish terry. Therefore, if you still decided on the feat, prepare your husband as much as possible, and be patient.
Born baby, and with him «Born» and mom with dad. There is an opinion that women are much easier «turn on» to the role of mother, they, they say, instinct itself laid. Of course, instinct exists. But «Running» He is in different ways. Some are ready for maternity duties, barely learning about the coming pregnancy. And others for a long time do not understand why there was generally giving birth.
Men have a similar problem. «I don't like my child. I look at him, I understand the brains that this is my son, and I have to love him, but I do not feel any mad feelings and delight. This is what will always be?» - perplexed one freshly baked dad. Of course not! There are people who have «Mechanism of love» It is not immediately connected. Dad will surely love Karapuz (more precisely, he loves him already, just not realized this).
Do not rush time and do not force yourself. Clock after going over the baby and inspirers love for him, you will not achieve any effect. But it is possible to disappointment in yourself, in the crumb, and in paternity in general. Communication with the baby day after day, watching him, one day you will understand all your significance in the life of the crumbs. Some unknown forces will click on the button, and the most loving and real dad will be born in the world!
Maybe you are strange to read about the male postpartum depression, but the fact remains. She is and often crashed previously created excellent relationships. The most important thing for a woman does not miss the moment and recognize the struck in their arms, the opponent. Although it is incredibly difficult to do. Cause - silence of men, unwillingness to share experiences.
And yet, if you noticed a change in my husband after the birth of a child, and they all are not for the better, try to find out what torments him. Help him feel my father. But only not intrusive, without scandals and hysterics. Tell him about how everything is great and wonderful. Let him do a child, leave them alone. Men need to feel their own significance. Install the confidence in him that he will cope with everything, he will all work out that he is the best dad in the world. We understand, you have no strength and time. But only you and Karapuz can help your dad.
Oddly, but the best assistant and medicine from depression will be the one who caused it - a child and your wife. And if they seek you to help, do not refuse! Share your experiences, and your family will again become your fortress!
If a woman is once (often just lacking physical forces), do not cinno. You are a strong half of humanity, the head of the family, therefore it will be necessary to deal with himself. It so happened that you were left alone with your thoughts. And here each dad should be understood that no one - no friends-girlfriend, nor good relatives will help.
Sometimes it seems that the outlet is found: I went, complained, you were comforted, they closed, and all is well. What else is required? And in fact. Today you have found consolation in a glass, in other people's arms. But «tomorrow» Nobody canceled. And it will surely come! Are you ready to meet him without your beloved woman and your child? Many families disintegrated precisely because the man did not find the strength to refuse his own egoism and take responsibility for the family.
Do not listen to those who support your weakness - this is a false help. Often it leads to even big problems. Listen to those who have passed such a test with honor. In the end, family pairs with children in the world set! They did it work out and you. Besides, «Hard period» lasts not all life, and only 2-3 months. Then parents are escaped to the new regime, invent ways to facilitate their lives.
Very promotes depression physical fatigue. Therefore, for a while you have to stop labor feats. Repair at home and building cottages. Maximum - Screwing light bulbs and iron. Better once again devote your time wife and child. As fatigue goes, peaceful balance will be restored.
The main thing «offend» For her husband is that the wife pays little attention to him, refuses to close. Want love and attention - unload the spouse in concerns about the baby! Give her to sleep a couple of hours, and go for a walk with Spring. By the way, rubbing a sleeve with a sleeping baby - the easiest «Job», but how many thanks will! Or put a question with an edge - «King i or not king?» - And throw the Karapuza Grandma (Nyan) for a couple of hours. And for themselves - «in light», I mean in the movies, in a restaurant, or an exhibition with my wife.
Male postpartum depression for many families becomes a real disaster. So don't let her drive into the corner. Away doubts in their own power, insecurity of feelings! You are an integral part of your family. And, by the way, the filling of all this best. Who, as not you - the culprit of the appearance of a screaming, red, restless, but an incredibly native little man?! And whether he will be happy if you will give you the first toothless smile, largely depends on you.
Our ancestors said that with the birth of a child, life acquires meaning. This is what you leave after. Your inheritance, the continuation of the kind. And grow it worthy, in love and care, the task of every parents. Be proud of your baby, because thanks to him you have awarded the most honorable title on the planet. Now you are not just a man. You are dad.
