It would seem, what's the connection? As he does not know all the "charms" of cold gynecological chair, not who went 9 months round, like a globe, does not feel toxicosis and powerful blows in the ribs from the inside, not saying goodbye to life during fights and never breastfed, can understand what postpartum depression ?! If only so-called frustration that he felt when he saw that he was not a chubby baby angel with pictures and little shrunken monkey. Incidentally, it is very similar to it ... But there is a depression of the fathers. And it flows, sometimes much longer and more serious than the female.
Oleg 32 years. "It was hard! This I had never experienced in my life. It all started when the wife with the child returned from the hospital. I look at her and think: Is my? Approaching her afraid. The wife in all matters, caring. Asks for help, and I have everything from hand falls, nothing comes out. I'm nervous, too, wife, daughter yelling ... It was then that I visited and thought: my mother dear, what for me it had to be! My wife was trying to reason with me, but because of his father's feelings, had only hatred for diapers. Everything turned upside down when her daughter fell ill. She had a high fever, his wife called an ambulance, put my daughter in my arms and ran to the pharmacy. At that moment I realized that if this sipyaschim kulechkom something to happen, I would not survive ... ".
Denis 38 years. "We've already had two adult daughters when his wifeI became pregnant. Naturally, we would like the boy. But the US has shown that it's a girl. Upset, of course, but decided, then such a fate. The birth went well. I was there with my wife and immediately saw my little one. Everything seems to be as well as ever. Just another child. But a few weeks after giving birth I have overcome all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. I began to think about whether I can grow three daughters and give them a good education, be able to love the younger as well as older love? Why is the child being born, the mother does it hurt? In short, all of a sudden there was a pile of doubt, disappointment. Fortunately, a month later everything returned to normal. "
Michael 28 years. "Now I understand that it was fear, selfishness,childishness. But when the child was born, when the sleepless nights began when his wife became a stranger, I was scared. I suddenly realized that the real paternity is completely different from my ideas about it. What I do not want this responsibility! What I do not want to go home! I do not know what would have happened if at that time the wife has not made a cunning move. One day she just left me with my son for the whole day. I wrote on pieces of paper that, when and how to do, and left! I called every half hour she and hysterics. Son yelling like crazy, and I paced the apartment, not knowing what to do. Already I fed him, and scolded and pougovarivat ... Then he took in his hands and began to read some poems invented on the fly. He fell asleep. I was afraid to put him in a playpen. So it took him in her arms for 3 hours. Now, when his wife could not subdue his son, I take him in my arms, and he calms down. I know that I love him. And I know I can manage with the status of the Pope. "
Women in the development of depression is influenced by manyfactors: hormonal changes, physical fatigue, fear of childbirth, lack of preparedness for the implementation of maternal functions, etc. In men, the reasons are also missing, though they are somewhat different, mostly psychological. Here the role played by education, and self-esteem, and sense of responsibility, and personal growth.
Feelings newly papas enoughscattered. Despite the realization that "this is mine", it seems that the carefree life has sunk into oblivion, but instead came with a bunch of monotonous everyday worries, hassle and a burden of responsibility for the child. There is a reassessment of values, changing ideas about himself, his wife and their place in the life of ... a word to the family history, there comes an inevitable tipping point, the fault which becomes a tiny creature. The result of the father's and mother's efforts.
The man is waiting for his woman procreation. This is the law of nature. The catch is that not every man can look at the consequences real. In words, he is the most caring and the perfect dad in the world. But as soon as the time comes the expected X, rose-colored glasses fall off, crumbling castles built ...
heir to the emergence of ruthlessly makingadjustments to the common dream. Quite unexpectedly, it turns out that vigil at night need much more than expected, that "trills" may begin at any time of the day that shook the wife no longer a wife at all, and my mother, that costs exceed expected that the "toy" return and the exchange can not be ... it then starts at the theoretically well-prepared by the Pope - practical panic. More specifically, post-natal depression.
Having a baby is rarely a man does not knockout of the rut. And it's great, if in "a pile of thoughts" prevail sense of pride, love and responsibility. Then he does not need to explain anything to prove. He says: "This is my child! I - the father, the head of the family. I cope with all the difficulties and help them cope with their beloved. I play a huge role in the life of their child. I have raised it with dignity and I will give everything I can. It is my right and my responsibility. "
Of course, the patience of even the most loving dads,sometimes on the verge. But the reasons for depression with each new month of life the baby is getting smaller. The child grows, and with it grows and the sense of paternity.
Great difficulties arise with the psyche of thosemen whose wives are a continuation of their mothers. Even when a pregnant woman is still taking care of my one and only. And suddenly there is someone who cares about her husband moves into the background who takes insanely great place in a woman's life, which until then belonged exclusively to men. Newly-born Pope in disbelief: how so? And ... he begins to perceive the child as a rival.
Such type of men can be a long time to explain thatfoolish to consider a rival nursing infant, the more his own child. "Offended" unlikely to hear the reasonable arguments (although it is worth to try everything). The problem is compounded by the fact that: firstly, the woman can not see the reasons for the problem and write off all to the carelessness and shirking responsibilities, and secondly, there is no time to understand it and to provide "psychological support". It is in any case not throw the baby to "pat on the back" healthy uncle. And the man begins to seek comfort and attention to side, lost at work, with friends, goes for lunch and dinner to the mother, have mistresses. Over time, the family is growing nervousness, and the family may fall apart. Or, if a woman has enough wisdom and patience, all profited.
Observations show that when a toddlergrowing up, my father, jealous starts with pleasure to mess with him. The child no longer takes his wife so much time, and in addition to it, it turns out, is interesting: he was talking, he eats and sits on the potty. But there is a small fly tar: woman remembers how "beautiful" behaved husband (head and support) in those moments when it is most needed support. And when Superbad dad says: "And let another ...", he politely answered: "No, thank you."
Postpartum depression in this type of menpossible for every child's appearance. If the head is "suitable soil" problem again flourish double flowers. Therefore, if you do decide to exploit as much as possible, prepare her husband, and be patient.
Born baby, and with it, "born" and the mother withDad. Some people believe that women are easier to "included" in the role of the mother, they, say, the instinct of nature itself laid. Of course, there is an instinct. But "run" it is all in different ways. Some are ready for motherhood, just learning about the pregnancy. And the other a long time do not understand, why do birth.
Men have a similar problem. "I do not like her child. I looked at him, brains understand that this is my son, and I love it, but do not feel any sense and rabid enthusiasm. Is that always will be? "- Wondered one freshly baked dad. Of course not! There are people who have a "mechanism of love" is connected immediately. Dad certainly love toddler (or rather, he is already in love with him, just have not realized this).
Do not rush the time and do not push yourself. Hours of sitting out on the baby and instilling a love for it, you will not achieve any effect. But perhaps disappointed in yourself, in the crumbs, and in fatherhood in general. Communicating well with the baby every day, watching him, one day you will understand all of their importance in the life of the crumbs. Some unknown force will push the button, and will be born the most loving and a real dad in the world!
Maybe you read about the strange male postpartumdepression, but the fact remains. She has created and often destroys a great relationship earlier. The most important thing for a woman not to miss the moment and recognize zavlekshuyu in his arms, opponent. Although it is incredibly difficult to do. The reason - the silence of men, unwillingness to share experiences.
Nevertheless, if you notice a change in her husbandafter birth, and they are not for the better, try to figure out what it hurts. Help him feel like a father. But not intrusive, without scandals and tantrums. Talk to him about how all the great and wonderful. Allows him to deal with a child, leave them alone. A man needs to feel their own importance. Instill in him the confidence that he will cope with everything, he will succeed, that he is the best dad in the world. We understand you do not have energy and time. But only you and your toddler will be able to help the pope.
Oddly enough, but the best helper andmedication for depression will be the one who caused it and - your wife and child. And if they are to help you, do not give up! Share your experiences and your family will return to your castle!
If a woman once (often just not enoughphysical strength) without reproach it. You're a strong half of humanity, the head of the family, and therefore will have to deal. It just so happened that you were left alone with his thoughts. And then every Pope must understand that no one - neither friends, girlfriends, relatives or good - will not help.
Sometimes it seems that a way out: I went and complained, you coaxed, caressed, and all is well. What else is needed? Indeed. Today, you find solace in a glass, in the arms of strangers. But "tomorrow" has not been canceled. And it will surely come! Are you ready to meet him without the woman he loved, and your child? Many families have disintegrated because of the fact that the man did not find the strength to give up their own selfishness and take responsibility for the family.
Do not listen to those who support yourweakness - it is a false help. Often it leads to more problems. Listen to those who have honorably passed such a test. In the end, married couples with children in the world are many! They came, and get you. In addition, the "difficult period" does not last a lifetime, but only 2-3 months. Then the parents to adjust to the new regime, coming up with ways to make their lives easier.
It contributes to depression, physical fatigue. Therefore, at the time will have to stop labor feats. Home repairs and construction of cottages will take later. Maximum - screwing in light bulbs and repairing iron. It is better to once again devote his time to his wife and child. As soon as the pass fatigue, and emotional balance is restored.
The main "offense" for the husband is the wifeit pays little attention, he refuses to close. Do you want love and attention - unload a spouse caring for baby! Give her a couple of hours sleep, while they themselves go for a walk with his son. By the way, roll the stroller with a sleeping baby - the easiest "work", but how many will be grateful! Or put the question bluntly - "King of I or the king?" - And flip a toddler grandmother (nurse) for a couple of hours. And yourself - "in the light", that is to say in the movies, in a restaurant, or to the exhibition with his wife.
Men's postpartum depression for many familiesit becomes a real disaster. Therefore, do not let it drive themselves into a corner. Out of doubt in their own abilities, lack of feelings! You - an integral part of your family. And, incidentally, is the instigator of all this confusion. Who else but you - the originator of the birth of screaming, red-cheeked, restless, but incredibly native you man ?! And whether he would be happy, if you give the first toothless smile, it depends on you.
Our ancestors said that the birth of a childlife becomes meaningful. It's what you leave behind. Your inheritance, procreation. And grow it worthy of love and care, the task of every parent. Be proud of your kid, because thanks to him, you is given the honorary title on the planet. Now, you are not just a man. You - my father.