People with mental illness can be very difficult to find their place in the world, find peace and the meaning of existence. But this does not mean that this is impossible. The story of a 26-year-old American Simon, told from the first person, this proves.
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The world has always seemed to me too complicated. I could not understand why people behave in a certain way, and was unable to act so that it looked «Normal». I went well in school, only I had no friends, because I did not know how to start them. During mandatory school events, I was sitting in a corner, wandering on the promotion of my inner world and drawing little attention to what was happening around.
I learned well enough at the university where I met my wife. And after the release found a job that I really liked. But I still could not get rid of the feeling that I am not a member of life, but a third-party observer: as if everyone knew a huge secret that did not share with me.
Two years ago my wife saw on TV documentary transmission about Asperger syndrome and in the description of patients immediately recognized me. Suddenly everything has gained meaning. I realized why I feel so difficult for me what others do on the machine, why I do not understand the thoughts and feelings of other people, why I often feel lonely.
From that day, I came close to studying the surrounding world. I gradually began to understand the language of the body and the facial expressions of a person: before these signals I simply did not notice. I read one after another book about social interaction and gradually developed its own set of communication rules with people. Of course, all this gigantic work did not put me on one level with those who do not think about how to make a conversation with a stranger or not offend the interlocutor, but it became much easier for me to look much easier «Normal» In the eyes of colleagues and friends.
I will give example. I could never understand how people can support «secular» conversation about anything when the conversation has no other purpose except to spend time. I am amazed that two people easily learn from the theme on the topic, none not arguing to any logical completion. After I worked on the art of talking, I was surprised how easy it was!
Studying the features of Asperger's syndrome, I found that something that seems to me a nonsense, for most people – Satural work. For example, I see the amazing logical of numbers and I can easily instantly make complex mathematical actions, and ordinary people are required for the same sheet of paper, handle and some time, not to mention how often they are mistaken. I easily teach foreign languages: besides my native English, I know French, German and Russian in my 26 years, and teaching Dutch and Chinese. Where I need a few months, people are required years and years of stubborn work.
Now I am extremely clear that I don't need to pretend that I am the same as everything, because I am special. But in my power learn to behave so that not to stand out from the crowd and do not look «White Voronev».
I did not change the job, but I go to the office only three days a week. I dedicate the remaining two days – I decided to get a degree in physics. Studies not only gives me a feeling of completeness of life, but also fully satisfies my «abnormal» craving for knowledge.
The most important thing I understood, – What I don't need to try to be «as everybody», I have my own individual development path. I live my life and achieve my own success, without comparing myself with others. Yes, I'm different, and now I like it, because what I do and know, makes me me.
